my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
