apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
