My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize