Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize