Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
