I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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