Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
