So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I party with great urgency now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
