i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
