Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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