Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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