i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
