I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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