He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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