Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
