I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
