The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
