Apparently you make a good broom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
