Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
