Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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