I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
