Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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