There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
