you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
