Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
