New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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