I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize