dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
