I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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