It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
