Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
