so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
