So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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