Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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