i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
