I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
