so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize