First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
