ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
