Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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