At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize