I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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