also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
