I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
