Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
