went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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