my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
