Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize