Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
