Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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