I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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