im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
