kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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