And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
