people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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