I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
