i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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