She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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