Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
