i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
