i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
