I am midnight drunk by noon
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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