One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
