He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
