when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize