tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize