At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
