i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
