girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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