So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
