Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
